Bites From the Word: 2011

The Eagle Has Landed on My Nest

“For here’s what I’m going to do…I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed...” Ezekiel 36:26 (The Message)

Don’t all of us “schedule Girls” just LOVE it when people throw kinks in our perfect plans? Case in point, here are a few things that strongly tempt me to be and to act, AGGRAVATED!!

Ok, imagine a list that contains a lot of self centeredness and mostly consists of completely unavoidable occurrences in it. I’m so ashamed at my narcissism that now you have to imagine big black scratches through this list. Since I am typing, it is hard to actually do this, so you will need to imagine with me the scratching part while I mash at the “delete” key. What a whiner I am! What an inflexible control freak!

I love people. I’m very much a people person. Unfortunately, the things that keep getting into the way of my plans are, PEOPLE. And, most often, they are the people that I want to show love to and serve the most, my own family. Not every time, mind you. Random strangers incur my secret mental wrath as well. I mean seriously. Who calls you in the middle of the day while homeschooling and giving a spelling test and fending off a bossy, loud, and demanding two year old and tells you that you have a Dr. Appointment the next day and then proceeds to take 20 minutes of your time going over insurance paperwork that hasn’t changed since 1947??? THE NERVE!! Ok, ok…I might be exaggerating, a little. (Topic for another day!) Back on point. As far as my own family is concerned, I’m constantly amazed and horrified when I catch myself being annoyed at things like potty breaks (NO POTTY BREAKS ON MY SCHEDULE!!) and drink runs during schooling. (Can’t you wait until lunch for a drink!?) But still, I have a certain amount of “mommy patience” for little people who are, after all, children still in training to be adults. So, for them, the annoyance remains mostly internal and I struggle to gain real ground in the patience and flexibility war.

I love my husband dearly and am very grateful that he is home safe and sound, but it is harder than you think to adjust back to real life and rebuild the mental schedule and priority structure that comes with being a two parent household again. The transitional adding of WIFE (back) onto my “titles” list and time schedule is a tight and not always welcome, squeeze! Can I also mention this means one more person in the house looking at me and asking – “Do you know where ____________ is????” So again, let me reiterate. What a selfish whiner I am! What an inflexible control freak!

Let’s just say I KNOW that I need to get a grip. It isn’t that I can’t control my urges to ACT aggravated about the things on my long list of annoyances, I can. But what I’m really after is HEART CHANGE. I need to be reminded daily that the very reason I have “A Nest” to clean and laundry to wash, fold, and put away, and every other item on my “annoying!” list…is because I have a family in my nest. I have an “Eagle” who works to lead our family well, and loves me and has provided me with this nest and all that fills it. He has a good job and many talents for helping others. He shows love through acts of service and you will NEVER hear me complaining about my man not helping out around the house or taking care of our needs. In this department he’s a Mary Poppins! (Practically perfect in every way)

God has grown me and stretched me and developed self control where once there was none. Getting a grip on the heart change is coming a little slower. I need it, I want it, I know I am helpless to change it myself… all I know to keep doing is to take each thought captive, give thanks in all things, do everything as if it were for the Lord.

It is scary how easily I slip into thinking about what belongs to me, and what my “rights” entail… How can I ever hope to be effective for the Kingdom of God when my own heart is so self centered and deceitful? When I look to God’s instructions for my priorities instead of concentrating on my own “laws” (or rules or lesson plans, or expectations) I clearly see how much more I have to be grateful and thankful for, and how silly it is for me to be so inflexible and so easily aggravated by the very people God has given to grow me and to bless me. After all, don’t I often expect from them behavior that I myself cannot produce? Hmmmm…

I am often comforted by the words of the apostle Paul. He describes perfectly the very struggle that haunts my thought life, and then very clearly tells me who will deliver me and what I am to do in the meantime, GIVE THANKS! And, Hey God!...How fast can you deliver up some heart change???

For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law, but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:18-25

Mawage. Mawage is Wot Bwings us Togeder Tooday.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

A little ditty my songbird Macy and I have been singing lately has got me thinking about all the ways that God has changed me over the years. I bet you know it, but in case you don’t know these sweet little words…

“He’s still working on me, to make me what I ought to be.

It took six days to make the moon and stars,

The sun and the Earth, Jupiter and Mars.

How loving and patient He must be! He’s still working on me!”

It’s been a little messy at times. Not usually pretty, usually painful, but always God doing the work and the changing. I’m well aware that left to my own devises I would have had the least bit of interest in personal betterment or the Self Help section at Borders. Well, ok, I still don’t go to the Self Help section, but you get my drift. Fifteen years ago I was only interested in fun, escape, adventure, experiencing life, and doing whatever I could find to do that made me feel good. Fast forward…am I even recognizable? Thinking back on a few of the most recent conversations I’ve had with friends, I had to stop and have a good laugh at myself. I have gleefully discussed the fine topics of labeling, organizing, homeschooling curriculums, steam mops, biblical counseling, and submission. Unrelated to the topic at hand, I also had an interesting conversation with the above mentioned songstress about why we cannot (or rather, WILL not) insert the words “my little poopoo” into the song “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”. Well, perhaps not entirely unrelated.

All of this leads me to an interesting train of thought: I am not the same woman that my husband married! I KNOW! Hold the phone, right? What reasons does my husband have to love, or even like, the “new” me? In the bigger picture, how do marriages that didn’t start out on the firm foundation of Christ, not only survive the nuclear blast that a new life in Christ brings, but succeed in growing together in new ways and even falling in love all over again with the same person – who isn’t the same anymore?

I’m very blessed and thankful that God has performed massive surgery in my life and also in the life of my husband. He is not who he was either. It didn’t all happen at the same time, and many years were spent in half hearted attempts to be Godly without true heart surrender. How comforting to know that we will both continue to change for the GOOD, and that as we face each new season of our marriage, God has provided a means for us to find new appreciation and new love for each other. But, how did we make it through some of these crises of change? And not just make it through, but be stronger and more unified?

It occurs to me that three things have been lasting points of personal protocol for me in any given situation that poses a threat to my marriage, as well as any other conflict I encounter. First, NO BUTS! I examine my own responsibility; I choose not to make excuses for my own behavior, no BUTS. If I were standing before my Judge right now, no one else’s actions are going to be admissible in court. Only mine. Ask for forgiveness if appropriate. Again, no “buts”.

Second, don’t expect people to be anything other than what they are. A wolf is a wolf, a child is a child, a manipulator manipulates, and Satan is always a liar. It isn’t fair to expect a child to act like an adult, and it is equally foolish to be shocked and personally offended when a sinner, sins.

Third, determine what I really believe. I find that no matter what the situation is, my questions and answers will be the same; I simply need to be reminded and refocused. Do I believe that God is who He says He is? That He can do what He says He can do? That He is GOOD and not only can, but wants to work good in all circumstances? Do I really believe that earthly failure may be NO reflection at all of heavenly gain through obedience? When I ask myself these questions (and more), my priorities change from being self centered, to being God centered, and I find that committing to acting rightly in a given circumstance has less to do with getting my way or making things right – and more to do with trusting my Heavenly Father to be exactly who He tells me that I can EXPECT for Him to be.

So, what do I expect for my marriage in the future? I expect that we will continue to change. I expect to always need to put forth effort. I am committed to being the kind of wife that the Word of God is teaching me to be. I HOPE that my husband can find it in himself to fall in love anew each day with the nerdy, office supply loving, Bible thumpin’, kid toting, homebody - which I’ve become. Well, I think I’ve always loved office supplies. Nothing new there.

“Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (Amplified Bible)

MORE than a Conqueror

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37

People keep asking me, “So, how is homeschooling going?” My response is honest. Usually something along the lines of “Well, they are all still alive and so I guess that means it is going well.” or “Better than expected really, except for this facial tic.” I really WANT to love doing this. I really want to adore spending every moment of every single (cotton pickin’) day, with my children. While I am giving myself a passing grade in my first year of teaching, sadly, I find I can muster neither the passion nor the patience to teach the way I really wish I could teach.(Something about actual students being involved really throws a wrench in my grand plans.) Truly, I’m all for seizing teachable moments beyond the practicals of the three R’s, but quite honestly I lack the energy and the discipline it takes to follow through with this. And, while I really do love the quality time with my children, I struggle with the ever important balance that keeps us all upright on the tightrope that becomes our physical and emotional day. More often than I like, I find myself underneath the rope, simply hanging on for the ride with my fingertips.

In this new season, I have found myself lacking in countless physical ways and have discovered many (more) areas of personal weakness that need addressing spiritually. I know I am failing. I am failing to have balance, pay proper attention to my husband, have a clean oven, self control, healthy eating and exercise habits, patience, a meal plan, discipline, a budget, clean floors, enough sleep, wonderful hands on teaching and learning techniques….yada yada yada. I don’t mind being a failure, I know that everyone fails, and that the way I handle my failures is what will grow and define my character and spiritual growth. But STILL! Deep down, I continue to nurture a nagging want; to be everything that everyone I love NEEDS, and to do it all with excellence, grace, and even humility. How prideful am I, that I even think for a moment that success could ever be mine in this area?

Being a conqueror implies overcoming an obstacle by my own volition. Frankly, I’m pretty tired of all the effort it takes to be “strong.” The truth is, I never have been able to, and I never will be able to do God’s job FOR Him. I really want to see what happens when my focus is so centered on Christ that the conquering and the victory-ing doesn’t matter; only the MORE does.

Lord, let it be, that my heart would take hold of the vine that is MORE. Make me a servant, obedient to your voice. I give you the lead on this tightrope that is my life…let me grasp onto YOU unashamedly. The victory and the glory are yours and yours alone. May my only desire be, to want the MORE.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

May it ever be so…

Why Am I Here? (Blogging, that is!)

A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. Proverbs 25:11

I'm not a setting of silver. Yet. God is still working on me. The purpose of this blog is to catalogue and remember the lessons God is teaching me in my everyday life. Too often I wonder where the evidence of Christ in my life, is? I FORGET those sweet moments of realization that God is speaking to me and teaching me about Him and His ways; all while scrubbing a floor, organizing a pantry, listening to a song on the radio, or even watching a movie with the kids. I don’t want to forget! I want to be responsible with the seeds my heavenly father has planted in me. I want to leave a legacy to my family and children of thankfulness and of crediting God for each lesson learned and each victory in my life. This is why I’m writing. If no one ever lays an eye on my fabulous sentence structure or perfect grammar (HA!) it is really going to be o.k. with me. This is my Christian legacy to my children. And for me, a tool to go back and REMEMBER the footprints of God all over my life. If you are reading this, may you consider walking, growing, and learning with me!

A setting of silver is what I desire to become. Each lesson I learn on this journey, I’ve begun to define as a bite of a Holy Golden Apple that God is cooking up in my kitchen as He rubs and shines up my tarnished silver setting waiting to be placed on his great banquet table.

May my Father look upon me one day and see inside my vessel, beautiful golden fruit that sings to the glory of God alone.

"...Well done, thy good and faithful servant!" Matthew 25:21

May it ever be so…