Bites From the Word: 2012

Lessons from my Polarized Sun Shades

“Now then, stand still and see this great thing the LORD is about to do before your eyes!”

1 Samuel 12:16

I’ve been nearly giddy this whole dreary week. I can barely concentrate during “school” and even driving down the road has been a little hazardous with all my gawking. The pure GLORY that is going on outside this week is rocking my little reclusive world! The brown grass has been greedily sucking up the moisture from the sky and is now rewarding us with vibrant shades of green adorning each reaching blade of grass. Lonely and barren trees are now being covered in fresh hope. I waited with restless anticipation for the pregnant buds of daffodils and emerging scrolls of hosta leaves to make their announcements, and now they tease me with their calm and patient reveals. I can’t get enough of the air! The smell of which is permeated with pure expectation.

I want to try and explain how this works in my mind. This time of year is EASTER for my eyes. Life from death and beauty from dry bones. It is creation crying out worship to its master. The shadow of the cross causes my arms to rise in praise alongside my blades of grass…reaching out to give glory to my creator and sing out with the birds thanksgiving for the sustenance that ONLY God can give. God, you are amazing!! The glorious flowering Redbud, Pear, Dogwood, and Magnolia trees…Forsythia, Bleeding Hearts, Variegated little corkscrew-shaped Sedum, Hen and Chicks…this stuff is crazy good! And we are just getting started!! All the while, the sun is hidden. The sky is dark, and the rain keeps falling…

My eyes are extremely light sensitive. Even though I love to be outside in the heat and sun, without sun shades I get headaches and am greatly impaired while driving because of the sun’s glare. My eyes need some protection; a filter, something to change and enhance my perspective. I don’t understand the science of what is going on in those shiny little lenses, but I prefer the sharpness that polarized sun shades provide to my poor sensitive and near sighted eyes. I put them on when I NEED them, (which is almost always) so, what happened on a day when I didn’t “need” them was a God orchestrated perspective change; sweetly formed out of my sun shade-dependent habit. The change of perspective through my polarized lenses was far more amazing and dramatic on this particular cloudy dreary day, than the mere relief it provided on my days of need. Like switching from analog to HD TV, trees, that to the naked eye were unremarkable, literally popped with unnoticed tiny green leaves. Small spots of color on blooming flowers and branches became clearer, each color more fantastic. Each shuddering rain drop fell and grasped a hold of something that unknowingly needed its nourishment. Fantastic rays of sun light secretly sliced through the cloudy sky. Anticipation, hope, joy, and even peace filled me that day through the beauty of God’s creation and from this brand new perspective. I took those glasses off and looked around. I put them back on again, and looked around. I repeated, as was necessary.

The sun is a wonderful thing! It illuminates where there is no light; it provides warmth, comfort, and is a means for growth. Still we know, on those cloudy days, just because the sun can’t be seen doesn’t mean that it is not there. God’s word will never fail us. He protects us with His word when our lives are busy and we are just doing what we need to do to get to the next “destination”. He gave us the Holy Spirit, who constantly remains at work within us and filters what comes into our lives, guiding our decisions. So that!, when we consistently fellowship with Him, even on the cloudy days of life when we can’t see or feel him… even when we kinda feel like there is nothing big on our plates, nor is there anything that we “need” right now....He’s not MIA, he’s just covering the side of the proverbial mountain with his hand, and giving us some tabernacle style polarizing sun shades to reveal something of His beauty and glory in a way we would never have expected it. The last recorded miracle that Jesus did before his triumphant entry into Jerusalem was a miracle of sight. In light of what was to come, it seems quite fitting.

²⁹ As Jesus and his disciples were leaving Jericho, a large crowd followed him. ³⁰ Two blind men were sitting by the roadside, and when they heard that Jesus was going by, they shouted, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!” ³¹ The crowd rebuked them and told them to be quiet, but they shouted all the louder, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!” ³² Jesus stopped and called them. “What do you want me to do for you?” he asked. ³³ “Lord,” they answered, “we want our sight.” ³⁴ Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him. Matthew 20:29-34

Lord, may I follow you with the “sight” you have given me. May it be so.

I Thought I saw a Teacher Toiling in a Tizzy. I DID! I DID!

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved. Psalm 127:1-2

When I read this today, I found myself faced with a crisis of sort. How do I KNOW that God's hand has been in a situation, but still feel as though I am anxiously toiling in vain? If "character growth" is all that is supposed to result from the last 2 years of my life, I certainly know for a fact that I have not grown enough to believe it has been worth it. The very fact that I’m even thinking about it proves my point. If anything I have become less patient, less kind, and have generally failed at doing well most things I am responsible for as a wife/mother/teacher/friend.

I’m sorry to say that I’m a little bitter that all my toiling has been worthless and laughable. My (considerable) toiling has not produced spiritually rich children, living in the fruit of the Spirit, who love God and want to study his word willingly. My (consistent/persuasive/nagging) toiling has not produced kindness, appreciation, respect, or financial freedom. My toiling (sacrifices) hasn’t eased my husband burdens, lessened his load, or successfully conjured up financial freedom for our family.

My efforts have produced very little growth in my character other than serve to increase my understanding of how weak my own will is, and how unworthy and helpless I am to change myself. Everything I thought that I could do well, has been shown either worthless or embarrassingly subpar.

Is it possible to toil so hard at “Working for the Lord” so that it can be expressed in forced attitude, (in absence of FELT) that the mark is missed by a mile?

Even though I trust the sovereignty of my Heavenly Father, and KNOW he is ever present and can make all things good, that is plans for me are good…somehow I still know that His hand has been at work in me being in this very place. If only I knew that THIS is the path I am supposed to be on and that I haven’t taken a wrong turn?? It would make this pain and toil and frustration easier to reckon. For the feeling I have is this…THIS guard has been watching in vain. This mother/wife/teacher has been anxiously building and toiling early and late…in vain.

If this is true…

I’m willing to humble myself, to admit failure and defeat. I’ll even take the blame, if it’s being passed around. But where do I go from here?? I don’t want my failures causing more consequences for the people around me. I don’t want to be the cause of harming someone watching me because of my ruined testimony for the day. I don’t want to make the great name of my God any less in anyone’s eyes or faith. ESPECIALLY my children’s!

There is only one place I can think to go. “ Create in my a pure heart, O God, and renew a RIGHT SPIRIT within me….”

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. Psalm 145: 18-19

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6